For as long as I can remember, I never had many friends. Some people would say that this is sad, and feel a sense of pity, but in all truthfulness, it does not bother me. That is to say, it no longer bothers me, for it helped shape the person I am today. The years have taught me that loneliness can be an empowering and valuable tool, even if the price is at times severe. Learning to live with yourself day after day can be much harder than living with someone else. As an owner of a lonely heart, I have learned to do this rather well…So well, in fact, that I often prefer my own company to that of others.
It is true that I once saw my loneliness as a type of weakness (and I sometimes still feel it), but a simple change in perspective has allowed me to see it as a strength, one that enabled me to develop a deep, positive relationship with my own mind. Through my loneliness, my creativity has finally blossomed, turning bitter memories into art. From my sadness and isolation, I have gained an appreciation of the beauty and happiness that life has to offer. That is not to say that loneliness is something you should want or have to endure, but rather that the way you approach an obstacle can make all the difference in the world, and suddenly that same, dreary obstacle, like loneliness, can feel a lot less menacing.
One peculiar thing, however, has developed out of my shift in perspective: a love of the nighttime. As a partial insomniac, the night used to be when I felt most alone, visualizing my problems, and dreading the thought of having to try and fall asleep, for a wandering mind is quick to jump to dark places if left unchecked. But the older I get, the more I realize that the nighttime is quite the opposite of what I once thought: it is an introvert’s dream. It is quiet, dark, and the perfect time for one’s creativity to shine. While others are catching Z’s, I get the chance to explore my mind, resolving problems and developing new worlds through story, music and reflection. What used to be a time of struggle is now a safe haven for my brain, and the time when I should be feeling most alone, I now find a strange sense of comfort.
What exactly is it about the hours of the night that is so lovely? It could be the romance of the stars in the sky, which have sparked imaginations for centuries. Or perhaps it is the chance to disconnect. Social media and smart phones have made enormous progress in the quest for constant communication, but at the cost of always being connected to everyone around you. In the middle of the night, however, you will find that there is a subtle, yet invigorating separation between yourself and the outside, digital world. If you are lucky enough, and have the will power to put away your tech, you can almost forget it exists at all. But even beyond the disconnect, perhaps the greatest thing of all about the night is the quiet. The world has become a noisy place… and I do not just mean physical noise (although a 48 hour power outage will quickly make you realize how noisy your house is), but mental noise as well. Discussion, texts, political agendas, news, opinions, reminders, advertisements, invites, snaps, blah, blah, blah. To me, so much of this is just…noise, and while it can be at times engaging, I do not always feel like listening. It is tiring, loud, and often full of garbage. The reason I love the nighttime is that all this noise just disappears as people wind themselves down to sleep…
Which is why I invite everyone to indulge in the beauty of the nighttime. If not literally, then figuratively. Take the time to disconnect from the world around you, and live inwardly once again. If you can learn to escape the noise around you, then you might even be surprised to find that there is a beautiful sense of clarity in your own mind. It may not be easy for everyone, but like me, you might discover that a little bit of loneliness can actually be blissful. My own loneliness has never gone away, and I am not sure it ever will…but that does not matter. When the sun goes down tonight, and everyone is getting ready to sleep, I will be awake, enjoying the simple tranquility and peace of my own company, under the stars.