Ever since I was a kid the only thing that I was absolutely sure of was that I would become a wizard. I never thought of when or how this would happen, but only of the physics-defying stunts I could accomplish once I was anointed into the club. I always assumed it was a club, and that one day I would just walk into the room, and all of my fellow wizards would be there waiting to give me my wand and robe. Then, by some unseen power I would just be able to do as I please with my wand. No training, no spells. Just the wand and my imagination.
In retrospect, I don’t know how I ever thought it would be so easy. I mean why would a wand be able to read my thoughts? What if you didn’t use a wand, but a staff…or like your hands? Not to mention that there would be years of training to learn every spell in some foreign language, where I would have to recite all of the words very carefully in order to produce one slightly powerful spell. I mean if I need 7 years to write a Ph. D thesis on some obscure Shakespearian sonnet then how the hell would MAGIC take me like one week? A week probably wouldn’t get me through the prologue of “An Introduction to Magical Spells.” Only after decades of honing my craft would I be able to do the things you see in the movies. By then I’d probably be a Yoda-like figure who realizes that the his greatest power is not using his power, and leaving the world to sort out its own problems, that the real “magic” is in people, not spells.
Or not. Or I’d use the magic to rob a bank, warping in and out of the vault without anybody even realizing, then retiring on the shore of the Caribbean somewhere, drinking rum, sailing around in my replica pirate ship. Or flying around on a broom. But honestly since you could make anything you wanted to fly, why would you bother with a broom? Id be getting a deluxe lazy boy to fly me around the world. I mean why the hell not? Wouldn’t you rather be reclined, drinking a Coke while flying over the Amazon? Of course you would. And you’d have some spell that gives you all-you-can-eat wings for the journey too, and probably some wireless Netflix that just appears mid-air.
Not to mention the needlessly cool fights you could have with other wizards. Why would you shoot Voldemort when you could just lock into an insanely destructive magical beam with him for ten minutes just to have nothing happen. Hell even a well timed slash with a kitana could have ended that fight quicker than the duel. This is where Rowling has it all wrong. Everyone is all like “you can’t kill Voldemort he’s too powerful.” Yeah that’s right, I forgot powerful wizards can just block the killing curse, OH WAIT NO THEY CAN’T. You know how Voldemort could have been stopped easily? If maybe two of the hundreds of wizards standing around took the time to throw one little Avada Kadavra his way. When he comes back to life with a horcrux, then BAM, hit him again, story over. “Nah, we’d rather send three teenagers all over the world to destroy tiny, hidden objects with even harder to find objects instead.” “But no one can be harmed while Dumbledore is around, he is the most powerful wiz-” NOPE. One killing curse, he’s gone. Only took Voldy a few minutes to realize that one. Hell, Draco Malfoy was gonna do it!!. You kidding me? There’s no way to stop a sophomore student from killing you? You’re killing ME here Joanne…
Anyway, magic would be cool, and there’s absolutely zero chance that I wouldn’t use my powers for my own personal benefit. Would I help the world? Of course! Just after I whip up a love potion or two…and maybe rob that bank. It’s not like a wizard is ever late for anything.